it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
