wrigley field is MILF paradise
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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