jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
