gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
