1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
