highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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