I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I deserve this hangover.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
