His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
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