Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
