69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
