found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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