hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
