This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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