i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
