community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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