A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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