Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
