I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
im six kinds of drunk right now
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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