you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
