Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
