I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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