You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
