This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
