If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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