Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
