Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
