Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
