I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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