Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
