Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
