the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
