my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
