I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
