I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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