I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
