Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
