Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
3 2 1 whiskey
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
