i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
