You're my little dorito
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
