it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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