Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
