Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
