If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
