omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
