I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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