I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
