he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
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What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
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according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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