i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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