OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
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Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
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Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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