I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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