How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
