remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
