so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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