I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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