No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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