why didn't you poke me back
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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