Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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