I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
