we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I AM VODKA MAN
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
