woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
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