Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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