I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
