garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
