a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Let the clothes fall where they may.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
