I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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