Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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