She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
